I know too well being ME sometimes can be overwhelming and too often I get stuck in who I was and who I really am at the core of my existence.
I get caught up in the romantic ideal of love, fixated on my day to day acts of living and sometimes too much of a coward to come out of my comfort zone, It sucks, it really does. The nerves and frustration kicks in, along the way and you can wake up knowing what you have to do and what you are doing are two totally different things.
We are numbed not to have a voice, we cannot express our sexuality, or harbour our gifts in the normal way we should be doing. In a nutshell somehow we get caught up in being average and lead a boring mediocre life yet come to have this inner battle where nothing seems right and the only thing you can do is escape by overuse of holidays, drug abuse, food abuse, and alcohol.
If we look a certain way we are judged, for some we grow up thinking our every move and act will have an impact on our families as shame and reputation is something that comes to overshadow what we want to be and who we are.
It has taken me a long few years, years of falling, failing , breaking and remolding to come terms with the authentic me. With my smile and energetic self I am able to hide away the pain and sad days. To some I am perfect, Imperfectly perfect, I like to call it.
Times when I took a fall, I stayed there for weeks or even months, and it’s those thoughts that make you or break you. Those thoughts were actually never about me, rather about how I was perceived and what others thought of me, so I paved a way to come out and live in my essence of my own calling. For most their calling is shunned away because they are filled with sadness, depression, bitterness, anger, jealousy and envy or maybe a feeling of stuck in second gear. ( I still have those days but know how to work around it a bit better now, though I may not be successful every time and it takes longer than other times given the situation).
All of us are already gifted with a presence, and most of that comes from our appearance, initially. We draw attention to ourselves without much effort in how we look and hold ourselves in society. But this also carries a label in how we fit other people’s perspective, hence our personality and character caves us in another dimension, and this is where the concept power pulls us closer to the presentation of the “self”. Power that lives deep within us, allows us to follow our dreams and live in a true version of ourselves, and come to set us free.
My 4 ways to have power and presence in an uncertain world
1) Other people’s opinion is no BUSINESS of yours
I come from a background where relatives you have never ever seen before will have something to contribute to your lifestyle. As if they put you on this planet. To be a trainer in the fitness industry it took me years and more years of not giving up. Mostly my own parents did not see it as a reputable career. Four years down the lane I saw more tears than happiness but I never gave up and I still have a long way to go. Luckily my parents have come to understand that this is what I love and have supported me on my journey.
Facing negative attitudes from my own community was also something that was hard to digest, viewed as a rebellious act or something that wasn’t normal.
But then what is normal?
I know I am making a difference. So how do you not pay attention to those people who don’t approve of you being you?
Simple PISS them all off by ignoring them. Delete them out of your life. Remove them from your world, if they are not supporting you or encouraging you….they do not need to be in your life.
A brilliant quote that had me stay grounded when others had something negative to say
Always remember God has called you to do what your burning desire is in your heart. We will die one day so do what you want to do.
Unless someone else is paying your bills or putting food on your plate, what they think about you is none of your business. People in society will talk regardless whether you are doing good or bad. So you might as well give them something to talk about. Stay humble and true to your dreams. Most people just live a life without much passion; don’t ever be one of them. I always have to remind myself no matter what, I was not born to be average. I live my life maximizing opportunities and striving for the best
2) Spend Time by yourself
You know you are different, Embrace that S**t right there. Hold onto that craziness and take it to the grave with you.
For years I thought being different was a curse, many times I have been told my energy was too much or I need to kerb my personality or I am too opinionated. I tried to be mysterious and quite, I tried to blend into the background. Worst times of my life and it didn’t work. I felt suffocated and felt like I was trying to please people.
Pretending I was someone I wasn’t caused me more confusion than anything. I wanted to act and be like my miss perfect girlfriends, I wanted to have that perfect love and be the perfect woman. Only to realize NOTHING or NO ONE on this planet is perfect.
It took me time, pain and lots of fun games to strip people away from my side. I had to practice being my own best friend, by doing so I was able to discover who I was and what I liked and most importantly what I stood for without being influenced.
It takes time and practice to enjoy your own company, and I will never forget the panic attack I had when I found myself shopping alone. The loneliness crept in and I was thinking the worse scenario’s in my head that I would never marry and most probably die alone. Changing perspective and making it fun always eases those thoughts away.
The thing is, at night we go to sleep by ourselves and wake up by ourselves, in our own body and mind so you are already doing these things by yourself so push yourself out a bit more and come out of the comfort zone. It’s not easy but it is fun to see how brave you are and really to see how far you can excel. The discovery process is at times overwhelming and rewarding.
I encourage you to:
– Take yourself out on a date
– Have dinner by yourself
– Take a trip down town
– Go travelling ( this really opens up your horizons )
Basically do everything you can by yourself for a month or so and see how it changes you and your outlook in life. This is what gave me so much power, the power to go against the tide. There is nothing sweeter than to have the power to make your own decisions.
Don’t become a loner that is not what I am saying, that can be dangerous too. Keep your loved ones close by but just distant yourself a little bit to discover who you already are but a bit more. Having “me” time made me more independent and ten times more powerful. It showed me I can love me for whom I am and not scared of my own company or my thoughts. After all you live in your own thoughts and body so you might as well become your own best friend first. (My closet friend Vanisha always reminds me of this whenever I feel deterred away from my authentic self).
When you feel good and confident in yourself, watch how many positive and good people you attract in your life. They will come by the dozens.
3) Use Your Voice
Most of us go on with life as if we were born deaf. If you can hear and can talk do not dim your light of projecting your experiences and journey. Let me give you a great example
Not long ago I had published an article about my eating disorder, I was honest and it was something I had never ever shared, not even my closest friends or partners.When it went on social media I had over 35 females who contacted me to say thank you and how I could help them, so that told me that many of us suffer in silence, We all have stories to tell and how we become by the end of it, by sharing you are also helping someone else come out of their hole of misery.
Someone once told me I was doing a disservice to the people who needed me the most, and once I found my voice and it was indeed one that had people listen to I realised how many people I was able to help. Social media is also amazing to showcase who you really are and what you stand for. We all know someone who knows someone that can relate with our journey. If you can change just one life, change one person’s outlook on life you have done what you born to do. Cliché I know but it’s the god damn truth. So share your good and bad experiences in life and you will have a good tribe following you.
4) Raise your standards by lifting your confidence.
We put up with crap in our lives because we do not value ourselves too much. When our confidence is low, we tend to tolerate mediocre people in our lives. We follow their opinions and decisions even though we may never do it ourselves. I found this very common in myself among the people I had around me at periods in my life. I thrived off warmth and affection at times even when I didn’t really want it but to have a comforting hug and keeping someone close, for all the wrong reasons. I thought I was lonely and needed companionship when in hindsight; it was my confidence that needed working on. When our standards are low, we feel like we are at the mercy of someone else’s love. We cling on over expired relationships or even do business with people that do not bring value into our lives.
I am a great believer in energy and vibes. When we come to strip away what others think of us we are safe to spend time by ourselves which allows us to use our voice and all of that is confidence.
Confidence does not mean it has to be loud and brash; it is how you view yourself.
What are you willing to accept from yourself and those around you? If someone treated you bad again and again do you cut that person out or keep giving them chances? Do you have enough belief in yourself to know that you will succeed? To know that yourself worth matches the price you ask for in your service or product?
So how does one raise their standard? Simple, know what you stand for and who you are. What you are willing to tolerate and what you wouldn’t. In a nutshell do not be a walk over or let people dictate or control you. You have yourself to do that in any given situation. Confidence does not happen overnight and we thrive in different environments and situations.
Do one thing at a time to work on your confidence and that all relates back to the other points too.
The uncertainty of the future is scary and so is taking a risk. But we will never know what lies in store for us unless we take those big steps that bring us closer to our true self. You will know when you are there when you feel that inner peace of fulfillment and know how to handle yourself in difficult times. Life is all about growth and change. Nothing ever stays the same, even the seasons have to change. We evolve and we continue to do so at every step of our lives.
So to conclude, let go of other people opinions of yourself, spend quality time by yourself whenever you can, use your voice and help someone along the way too and most definitely push forward on becoming a better version of yourself by finding your confidence and elevating it in all areas of your life